A Wonka Story
This is no longer in the current news cycle, but definitely needs to be filed under "stuff too insane for Charlie to make up", or maybe "promising screwball comedy plot line to explore", or even "perils of outsourcing creative media work to generative AI".
So. Last weekend saw insane news-generating scenes in Glasgow around a public event aimed at children: Willy's Chocolate Experience, a blatant attempt to cash in on Roald Dahl's cautionary children's tale, "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory". Which is currently most prominently associated in the zeitgeist with a 2004 movie directed by Tim Burton, who probably needs no introduction, even to a cinematic illiterate like me. Although I gather a prequel movie (called, predictably, Wonka), came out in 2023.
(Because sooner or later the folks behind "House of Illuminati Ltd" will wise up and delete the website, here's a handy link to how it looked on February 24th via archive.org.)
INDULGE IN A CHOCOLATE FANTASY LIKE NEVER BEFORE - CAPTURE THE ENCHANTMENT ™!
Tickets to Willys Chocolate Experience™ are on sale now!
The event was advertised with amazing, almost hallucinogenic, graphics that were clearly AI generated, and equally clearly not proofread because Stable Diffusion utterly sucks at writing English captions, as opposed to word salad offering enticements such as Catgacating • live performances • Cartchy tuns, exarserdray lollipops, a pasadise of sweet teats.* And tickets were on sale for a mere £35 per child!
Anyway, it hit the news (and not in a good way) and the event was terminated on day one after the police were called. Here's The Guardian's coverage:
The event publicity promised giant mushrooms, candy canes and chocolate fountains, along with special audio and visual effects, all narrated by dancing Oompa-Loompas - the tiny, orange men who power Wonka's chocolate factory in the Roald Dahl book which inspired the prequel film.
But instead, when eager families turned up to the address in Whiteinch, an industrial area of Glasgow, they discovered a sparsely decorated warehouse with a scattering of plastic props, a small bouncy castle and some backdrops pinned against the walls.
Anyway, since the near-riot and hasty shutdown of the event, things have ... recomplicated? I think that's the diplomatic way to phrase it.
First, someone leaked the script for the event on twitter. They'd hired actors and evidently used ChatGPT to generate a script for the show: some of the actors quit in despair, others made a valliant attempt to at least amuse the children. But it didn't work. Interactive audience-participation events are hard work and this one apparently called for the sort of special effects that Disney's Imagineers might have blanched at, or at least asked, "who's paying for this?"
Here's a ThreadReader transcript of the twitter thread about the script (ThreadReader chains tweets together into a single web page, so you don't have to log into the hellsite itself). Note it's in the shape of screenshots of the script and threadreader didn't grab the images, so here's my transcript of the first three:
DIRECTION: (Audience members engage with the interactive flowers, offering compliments, to which the flowers respond with pre-recorded, whimsical thank-yous.)
Wonkidoodle 1: (to a guest) Oh, and if you see a butterfly, whisper your sweetest dream to it. They're our official secret keepers and dream carriers of the garden!
Willy McDuff: (gathering everyone's attention) Now, I must ask, has anyone seen the elusive Bubble Bloom? It's a rare flower that blooms just once every blue moon and fills the air with shimmering bubbles!
DIRECTION: (The stage crew discreetly activates bubble machines, filling the area with bubbles, causing excitement and wonder among the audience.)
Wonkidoodle 2: (pretending to catch bubbles) Quick! Each bubble holds a whisper of enchantment--catch one, and make a wish!
Willy McDuff: (as the bubble-catching frenzy continues) Remember, in the Garden of Enchantment, every moment is a chance for magic, every corner hides a story, and every bubble... (catches a bubble) holds a dream.
DIRECTION: (He opens his hand, and the bubble gently pops, releasing a small, twinkling light that ascends into the rafters, leaving the audience in awe.)
Willy McDuff: (with warmth) My dear friends, take this time to explore, to laugh, and to dream. For in this garden, the magic is real, and the possibilities are endless. And who knows? The next wonder you encounter may just be around the next bend.
DIRECTION: Scene ends with the audience fully immersed in the interactive, magical experience, laughter and joy filling the air as Willy McDuff and the Wonkidoodles continue to engage and delight with their enchanting antics and treats.
DIRECTION: Transition to the Bubble and Lemonade Room
Willy McDuff: (suddenly brightening) Speaking of light spirits, I find myself quite parched after our...unexpected adventure. But fortune smiles upon us, for just beyond this door lies a room filled with refreshments most delightful--the Bubble and Lemonade Room!
DIRECTION: (With a flourish, Willy opens a previously unnoticed door, revealing a room where the air sparkles with floating bubbles, and rivers of sparkling lemonade flow freely.)
Willy McDuff: Here, my dear guests, you may quench your thirst with lemonade that fizzes and dances on the tongue, and chase bubbles that burst with flavors unimaginable. A toast, to adventures shared and friendships forged in the heart of the unknown!
DIRECTION: (The audience, now relieved and rejuvenated by the whimsical turn of events, follows Willy into the Bubble and Lemonade Room, laughter and chatter filling the air once more, as they immerse themselves in the joyous, bubbly wonderland.)
DIRECTION: Transition to the Bubble and Lemonade Room
Willy McDuff: (suddenly brightening) Speaking of light spirits, I find myself quite parched after our...unexpected adventure. But fortune smiles upon us, for just beyond this door lies a room filled with refreshments most delightful-the Bubble and Lemonade Room!
DIRECTION: (With a flourish, Willy opens a previously unnoticed door, revealing a room where the air sparkles with floating bubbles, and rivers of sparkling lemonade flow freely.)
And here is a photo of the Lemonade Room in all its glory.
Note that in the above directions, near as I can make out, there were no stage crew on site. As Seamus O'Reilly put it, "I get that lazy and uncreative people will use AI to generate concepts. But if the script it barfs out has animatronic flowers, glowing orbs, rivers of lemonade and giggling grass, YOU still have to make those things exist. I'm v confused as to how that part was misunderstood."
Now, if that was all there was to it, it'd merely be annoying. My initial take was that this was a blatant rip-off, a consumer fraud perpetrated by a company ("House of Illuminati") based in London, doing everything by remote control over the internet to fleece those gullible provincials of their wallet contents. (Oh, and that probably includes the actors: did they get paid on the day?) But aftershocks are still rumbling on, a week later.
Per The Daily Beast, "House of Illuminati" issued an apology (via Facebook) on Friday, offering to refund all tickets—but then mysteriously deleted the apology hours later, and posted a new one:
"I want to extend my sincerest apologies to each and every one of you who was looking forward to this event," the latest Facebook post from House of Illuminati reads. "I understand the disappointment and frustration this has caused, and for that, I am truly sorry."
(The individual behind the post goes unnamed.)
"It's important for me to clarify that the organization and decisions surrounding this event were solely my responsibility," the post continues. "I want to make it clear that anyone who was hired externally or offered their help, are not affiliated with the me or the company, any use of faces can cause serious harm to those who did not have any involvement in the making of this event."
"Regarding a personal matter, there will be no wedding, and no wedding was funded by the ticket sales," the post continues further, sans context. "This is a difficult time for me, and I ask for your understanding and privacy."
"There will be no wedding, and no wedding was funded by the ticket sales?" (What on Earth is going on here?)
Finally, The Daily Beast notes that Billy McFarland, the creator of the Fyre Fest fiasco, told TMZ he'd love to give the Wonka organizers a second chance at getting things right at Fyre Fest II.
The mind boggles.
I am now wondering if the whole thing wasn't some sort of extraordinarily elaborate publicity stunt rather than simply a fraud, but I can't for the life of me work out what was going on. Unless it was Jimmy Cauty and Bill Drummond (aka The KLF) getting up to hijinks again? But I can't imagine them doing anything so half-assed ... Least-bad case is that an idiot decided to set up an events company ("how hard can running public arts events be?" —don't answer that) and intended to use the profits and the experience to plan their dream wedding. Which then ran off the rails into a ditch, rolled over, exploded in flames, was sucked up by a tornado and deposited in Oz, their fiancée called off the engagement and eloped with a walrus, and—
It's all downhill from here.
Anyway, the moral of the story so far is: don't use generative AI tools to write scripts for public events, or to produce promotional images, or indeed to do anything at all without an experienced human to sanity check their output! And especially don't use them to fund your wedding ...
UPDATE: Identity of scammer behind Willy's Chocolate Experience exposed -- Youtube video, I haven't had a chance to watch it all yet, will summarize if relevant later; the perp has form for selling ChatGPT generated ebook-shaped "objects" via Amazon.
NEW UPDATE: Glasgow's disastrous Wonka character inspires horror film
LATEST UPDATE: House of Illuminati claims "copywrite", "we will protect our interests".
The 'Meth Lab Oompa Loompa Lady' is selling greetings on Cameo for $25.
And Eleanor Morton has a new video out, Glasgow Wonka Experience Tourguide Doesn't Give a F*.
FINAL UPDATE: Props from botched Willy Wonka event raise over £2,000 for Palestinian aid charity: Glasgow record shop Monorail Music auctioned the props on eBay after they were discovered in a bin outside the warehouse where event took place. (So some good came of it in the end ...)