Planet Bozo

July 21, 2017

Worse Than FailureError'd: No Thanks Necessary

"I guess we're not allowed to thank the postal carriers?!" Brian writes.


"So, does the CPU time mean that Microsoft has been listening to every noise I have made since before I was born?" writes Shaun F.


"No problem. I will not attempt to re-use your error message without permission," wrote Alex K.


Mark B. writes, "Ah, if only we could have this in real life."


"Good work Google! Another perfect translation into German," Kolja wrote.


"I was searching for an Atmel MCU, so I naturally opened Atmel's Product Finder. I kind of wish that I didn't," writes Michael B.,


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XKCDRussell's Teapot

July 20, 2017

Worse Than FailureFinding the Lowest Value

Max’s team moved into a new office, which brought with it the low-walled, “bee-hive” style cubicle partitions. Their project manager cheerfully explained that the new space “would optimize collaboration”, which in practice meant that every random conversation between any two developers turned into a work-stopping distraction for everyone else.

That, of course, wasn’t the only change their project manager instituted. The company had been around for a bit, and their original application architecture was a Java-based web application. At some point, someone added a little JavaScript to the front end. Then a bit more. This eventually segregated the team into two clear roles: back-end Java developers, and front-end JavaScript developers.

An open pit copper mine

“Silos,” the project manager explained, “are against the ethos of collaboration. We’re all going to be full stack developers now.” Thus everyone’s job description and responsibilities changed overnight.

Add an overly ambitious release schedule and some unclear requirements, and the end result is a lot of underqualified developers rushing to hit targets with tools that they don’t fully understand, in an environment that isn’t conducive to concentration in the first place.

Max was doing his best to tune out the background noise, when Mariella stopped into Dalton’s cube. Dalton, sitting straight across from Max, was the resident “front-end expert”, or at least, he had been before everyone was now a full-stack developer. Mariella was a long-time backend JEE developer who hadn’t done much of the web portion of their application at all, and was doing her best to adapt to the new world.

“Dalton, what’s the easiest way to get the minimum value of an array of numbers in JavaScript?” Mariella asked.

Max did his best to ignore the conversation. He was right in the middle of a particularly tricky ORM-related bug, and was trying to figure out why one fetch operation was generating just awful SQL.

“Hrmmmm…” Dalton said, tapping at his desk and adding to the distraction while he thought. “That’s a tough one. Oh! You should use a filter!”

“A filter, what would I filter on?”

Max combed through the JPA annotations that controlled their data access, cursing the “magic” that generated SQL queries, but as he started to piece it together, Dalton and Mariella continued their “instructional” session.

“In the filter callback, you’d just check to see if each value is the lowest one, and if it is, return true, otherwise return false.” Dalton knocked out a little drum solo on his desk, to celebrate his cleverness.

“But… I wouldn’t know which value is the lowest one, yet,” Mariella said.

“Oh, yeah… I see what you mean. Yeah, this is a tricky one.”

Max traced through the code. Okay, so the @JoinColumn is CUST_ID, so why is it generating a LIKE comparison instead of an equals? Wait, I think I’ve-

“Ah ha!” Dalton said, chucking Max’s train of thought off the rails and through an HO-scale village. “You just sort the array and take the first value!” *Thumpa thumpa tadatada* went Dalton’s little desk drum solo.

“I guess that makes sense,” Mariella said.

At this point, Max couldn’t stay out of the conversation. “No! Don’t do that. Use reduce. Sorting’s an n(lg n) operation.”

“Hunh?” Dalton said. His fingers nervously hovered over his desk, ready to play his next drum solo once he had a vague clue what Max was talking about. “In logs in? We’re not doing logging…”

Max tried again, in simple English. “Sorting is slow. The computer does a lot of extra work to sort all the elements.”

“No it won’t,” Dalton said. “It’ll just take the first element.”

“Ahem.” Max turned to discover the project manager looming over his cube. “We want to encourage collaboration,” the PM said, sternly, “but right now, Max, you’re being disruptive. Please be quiet and let the people around you work.”

And that was how Dalton’s Minimum Finding Algorithm got implemented, and released as part of their production code base.

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July 19, 2017

Worse Than FailureCodeSOD: A Pre-Packaged Date

Microsoft’s SQL Server Integration Services is an ETL tool that attempts to mix visual programming (for designing data flows) with the reality that at some point, you’re just going to need to write some code. Your typical SSIS package starts as a straightforward process that quickly turns into a sprawling mix of spaghetti-fied .NET code, T-SQL stored procedures, and developer tears.

TJ L. inherited an SSIS package. This particular package contained a step where a C# sub-module needed to pass a date (but not a date-time) to the database. Now, this could be done easily by using C#’s date-handling objects, or even in the database by simply using the DATE type, instead of the DATETIME type.

Instead, TJ’s predecessor took this route instead:

CREATE PROC [dbo].[SetAsOfDate]
        @Date datetime = NULL
                                        WHEN @Date IS NULL THEN GETDATE()
                                        ELSE @Date


The good about this code is that it checks its input parameters. That’s defensive programming. The ugly is the less-than 1950 check, which I can only assume is a relic of some Y2K bugfixes. The bad is the `CAST(FLOOR(CAST(@Date AS FLOAT)) as DATETIME).

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XKCDWifi vs Cellular

July 18, 2017

Worse Than FailureThe Little Red Button

Bryan T. had worked for decades to amass the skills, expertise and experience to be a true architect, but never quite made the leap. Finally, he got a huge opportunity in the form of an interview with a Silicon Valley semi-conductor firm project manager who was looking for a consultant to do just that. The discussions revolved around an application that three developers couldn't get functioning correctly in six months, and Bryan was to be the man to reign it in and make it work; he was lured with the promise of having complete control of the software.

The ZF-1 pod weapon system from the Fifth Element

Upon starting and spelunking through the code-base, Bryan discovered the degree of total failure that caused them to yield complete control to him. It was your typical hodgepodge of code slapped together with anti-patterns, snippets of patterns claiming to be the real deal, and the usual Assortment-o-WTF™ we've all come to expect.

Once he recognized the futility of attempting to fix this mess, Bryan scrapped it and rewrote it as a full-blown modular and compositional application, utilizing MVVM, DDD, SOA, pub/sub; the works. Within three weeks, he had it back to the point it was when he started, only his version actually worked.

While he had righted the sinking ship, it was so successful that the project team started managing it, which proved to be its undoing.

Given the sudden success of the project, the department head committed the application to all the divisions company wide within three quarters - without informing Bryan or anyone else on the team. After all, it's not like developers need to plan for code and resource scalability issues beyond the original design requirements or anything.

We've read countless stories about how difficult it is to work with things like dates and even booleans, but buttons are pretty much solidly understood. Some combination of text, text+image or just image, and an onAction callback pretty much covers it. Oh sure, you can set fg/bg colors and the font, but that's usually to just give visual clues. Unfortunately, buttons would be the beginning of a downward spiral so steep, that sheer inertia would derail the project.

The project manager decided that images were incredibly confusing, so all buttons should have text instead of icons. Bryan had created several toolbars (because ribbons were shot down already) which, according to management, made the application unusable. In particular, there was a fairly standard user icon with a pencil bullet that was meant to (as you might have guessed it) edit users...

  Manager:  So I looked at it with Lisa and she had no clue what it was.  
            It was so confusing that no one would ever be able to use our 
            application with it.  Buttons should all be text and not images!

OK, let’s forget that ribbons and toolbars have been an application standard for decades now; let’s focus on how confusing this really is. To that end, Bryan did the nanny test. He asked his nanny what she thought it meant and she thought that the button had something to do with people. Awesome, on the ball! After explaining what it did she agreed it made sense.

  Bryan: How about we explain it to the users and add a tooltip?
  Mgr:   Tooltips take way too long to display and it’s still 
         incredibly confusing – no one would remember it. We
         don't want people pressing the wrong buttons!
         And why are some of the buttons different colors than others?

Bryan wasn't sure if the manager realized how stupidly he was treating his users, if he was just oblivious, or if he was just pushing for his personal preference. In the end, all the toolbars were removed and the icons were replaced with text. This left an application with assorted colored buttons with text. Unfortunately, some of the buttons were so small that the text got displayed as a truncated string. Also, no amount of explanation could convey that color could also convey meaning (think traffic lights).

As his opinion in UI matters dwindled to nothing over the next couple of months, one of the four BA’s on the team of six pinged Bryan for a meeting about scalability. He wanted to make sure that the project was scalable for the next three quarters. Enter the Holy Hell Twilight Zone moment in the land where no ribbons or toolbars exist, as the project manager was also involved.

  Mgr:   I’ve got to make sure we have everything we need to 
         scale for the next three quarters.
  Bryan: I can’t get the project manager to commit to lay out
         three weeks of planning for development. I can’t even 
         begin to guess if we have what we need for the next three 
  Mgr:   Well the vice president has a commitment to deploy this 
         to all divisions in the company within three quarters and 
         I’m tasked to make sure we have what we need.

Now Bryan could make up statistics better than 84.3% of people, but what was asked was impossible to determine. Additionally there was a flat out refusal to even vaguely commit to development more than a week or two in advance, so there was heavy resistance just to get the information needed to try!

At this point in time, Bryan felt the need to bail out, but before he left town he grabbed his prized coffee mug from the office. He wasn’t going to be back in town for at least three weeks and from his prior experiences he knew where this was going.

Of course the guy who originally sunk the ship in the first place had a true killer instinct, apparently knew better than Bryan and was left to steer the ship again. All these problems and issues that Bryan saw coming were either over exaggerations or without merit. The project manager felt so comfortable with the architecture and frameworks that Bryan put in place that he felt confident that there was absolutely nothing that he couldn’t handle. After all, he now had the buttons he wanted and understood. Bryan repeatedly asked if he wanted code walkthroughs and was denied. He didn't need to know what the different colors on the buttons were for. Bryan was even given 40 free consulting hours and even told not to check in his latest bug fixes.

Bryan sent his final farewell with a picture of him drinking from his coffee mug at home and out of state.

A real killer, when handed the ZF-1, would've immediately asked about the little red button on the bottom of the gun.

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July 17, 2017

XKCDCity Nicknames

July 14, 2017


April 17, 2017

etbeMore KVM Modules Configuration

Last year I blogged about blacklisting a video driver so that KVM virtual machines didn’t go into graphics mode [1]. Now I’ve been working on some other things to make virtual machines run better.

I use the same initramfs for the physical hardware as for the virtual machines. So I need to remove modules that are needed for booting the physical hardware from the VMs as well as other modules that get dragged in by systemd and other things. One significant saving from this is that I use BTRFS for the physical machine and the BTRFS driver takes 1M of RAM!

The first thing I did to reduce the number of modules was to edit /etc/initramfs-tools/initramfs.conf and change “MODULES=most” to “MODULES=dep”. This significantly reduced the number of modules loaded and also stopped the initramfs from probing for a non-existant floppy drive which added about 20 seconds to the boot. Note that this will result in your initramfs not supporting different hardware. So if you plan to take a hard drive out of your desktop PC and install it in another PC this could be bad for you, but for servers it’s OK as that sort of upgrade is uncommon for servers and only done with some planning (such as creating an initramfs just for the migration).

I put the following rmmod commands in /etc/rc.local to remove modules that are automatically loaded:
rmmod btrfs
rmmod evdev
rmmod lrw
rmmod glue_helper
rmmod ablk_helper
rmmod aes_x86_64
rmmod ecb
rmmod xor
rmmod raid6_pq
rmmod cryptd
rmmod gf128mul
rmmod ata_generic
rmmod ata_piix
rmmod i2c_piix4
rmmod libata
rmmod scsi_mod

In /etc/modprobe.d/blacklist.conf I have the following lines to stop drivers being loaded. The first line is to stop the video mode being set and the rest are just to save space. One thing that inspired me to do this is that the parallel port driver gave a kernel error when it loaded and tried to access non-existant hardware.
blacklist bochs_drm
blacklist joydev
blacklist ppdev
blacklist sg
blacklist psmouse
blacklist pcspkr
blacklist sr_mod
blacklist acpi_cpufreq
blacklist cdrom
blacklist tpm
blacklist tpm_tis
blacklist floppy
blacklist parport_pc
blacklist serio_raw
blacklist button

On the physical machine I have the following in /etc/modprobe.d/blacklist.conf. Most of this is to prevent loading of filesystem drivers when making an initramfs. I do this because I know there’s never going to be any need for CDs, parallel devices, graphics, or strange block devices in a server room. I wouldn’t do any of this for a desktop workstation or laptop.
blacklist ppdev
blacklist parport_pc
blacklist cdrom
blacklist sr_mod
blacklist nouveau

blacklist ufs
blacklist qnx4
blacklist hfsplus
blacklist hfs
blacklist minix
blacklist ntfs
blacklist jfs
blacklist xfs

February 06, 2017

etbeSE Linux in Debian/Stretch

Debian/Stretch has been frozen. Before the freeze I got almost all the bugs in policy fixed, both bugs reported in the Debian BTS and bugs that I know about. This is going to be one of the best Debian releases for SE Linux ever.

Systemd with SE Linux is working nicely. The support isn’t as good as I would like, there is still work to be done for systemd-nspawn. But it’s close enough that anyone who needs to use it can use audit2allow to generate the extra rules needed. Systemd-nspawn is not used by default and it’s not something that a new Linux user is going to use, I think that expert users who are capable of using such features are capable of doing the extra work to get them going.

In terms of systemd-nspawn and some other rough edges, the issue is the difference between writing policy for a single system vs writing policy that works for everyone. If you write policy for your own system you can allow access for a corner case without a lot of effort. But if I wrote policy to allow access for every corner case then they might add up to a combination that can be exploited. I don’t recommend blindly adding the output of audit2allow to your local policy (be particularly wary of access to shadow_t and write access to etc_t, lib_t, etc). But OTOH if you have a system that’s running in enforcing mode that happens to have one daemon with more access than is ideal then all the other daemons will still be restricted.

As for previous releases I plan to keep releasing updates to policy packages in my own apt repository. I’m also considering releasing policy source to updates that can be applied on existing Stretch systems. So if you want to run the official Debian packages but need updates that came after Stretch then you can get them. Suggestions on how to distribute such policy source are welcome.

Please enjoy SE Linux on Stretch. It’s too late for most bug reports regarding Stretch as most of them won’t be sufficiently important to justify a Stretch update. The vast majority of SE Linux policy bugs are issues of denying wanted access not permitting unwanted access (so not a security issue) and can be easily fixed by local configuration, so it’s really difficult to make a case for an update to Stable. But feel free to send bug reports for Buster (Stretch+1).

December 24, 2016

etbeVideo Mode and KVM

I recently changed my KVM servers to use the kernel command-line parameter nomodeset for the virtual machine kernels so that they don’t try to go into graphics mode. I do this because I don’t have X11 or VNC enabled and I want a text console to use with the -curses option of KVM. Without the nomodeset KVM just says that it’s in 1024*768 graphics mode and doesn’t display the text.

Now my KVM server running Debian/Unstable has had it’s virtual machines start going into graphics mode in spite of nomodeset parameter. It seems that an update to QEMU has added a new virtual display driver which recent kernels from Debian/Unstable support with the bochs_drm driver, and that driver apparently doesn’t respect nomodeset.

The solution is to create a file named /etc/modprobe.d/blacklist.conf with the contents “blacklist bochs_drm” and now my virtual machines have a usable plain-text console again! This blacklist method works for all video drivers, you can blacklist similar modules for the other virtual display hardware. But it would be nice if the one kernel option would cover them all.

November 06, 2016

etbeIs a Thinkpad Still Like a Rolls-Royce

For a long time the Thinkpad has been widely regarded as the “Rolls-Royce of laptops”. Since 2003 one could argue that Rolls-Royce is no longer the Rolls-Royce of cars [1]. The way that IBM sold the Think business unit to Lenovo and the way that Lenovo is producing both Thinkpads and cheaper Ideapads is somewhat similar to the way the Rolls-Royce trademark and car company were separately sold to companies that are known for making cheaper cars.

Sam Varghese has written about his experience with Thinkpads and how he thinks it’s no longer the Rolls-Royce of laptops [2]. Sam makes some reasonable points to support this claim (one of which only applies to touchpad users – not people like me who prefer the Trackpoint), but I think that the real issue is whether it’s desirable to have a laptop that could be compared to a Rolls-Royce nowadays.


The Rolls-Royce car company is known for great reliability and support as well as features that other cars lack (mostly luxury features). The Thinkpad marque (both before and after it was sold to Lenovo) was also known for great support. You could take a Thinkpad to any service center anywhere in the world and if the serial number indicated that it was within the warranty period it would be repaired without any need for paperwork. The Thinkpad service centers never had any issue with repairing a Thinkpad that lacked a hard drive just as long as the problem could be demonstrated. It was also possible to purchase an extended support contract at any time which covered all repairs including motherboard replacement. I know that not everyone had as good an experience as I had with Thinkpad support, but I’ve been using them since 1998 without problems – which is more than I can say for most hardware.

Do we really need great reliability from laptops nowadays? When I first got a laptop hardly anyone I knew owned one. Nowadays laptops are common. Having a copy of important documents on a USB stick is often a good substitute for a reliable laptop, when you are in an environment where most people own laptops it’s usually not difficult to find someone who will let you use theirs for a while. I think that there is a place for a laptop with RAID-1 and ECC RAM, it’s a little known fact that Thinkpads have a long history of supporting the replacement of a CD/DVD drive with a second hard drive (I don’t know if this is still supported) but AFAIK they have never supported ECC RAM.

My first Thinkpad cost $3,800. In modern money that would be something like $7,000 or more. For that price you really want something that’s well supported to protect the valuable asset. Sam complains about his new Thinkpad costing more than $1000 and needing to be replaced after 2.5 years. Mobile phones start at about $600 for the more desirable models (IE anything that runs Pokemon Go) and the new Google Pixel phones range from $1079 to $1,419. Phones aren’t really expected to be used for more than 2.5 years. Phones are usually impractical to service in any way so for most of the people who read my blog (who tend to buy the more expensive hardware) they are pretty much a disposable item costing $600+. I previously wrote about a failed Nexus 5 and the financial calculations for self-insuring an expensive phone [3]. I think there’s no way that a company can provide extended support/warranty while making a profit and offering a deal that’s good value to customers who can afford to self-insure. The same applies for the $499 Lenovo Ideapad 310 and other cheaper Lenovo products. Thinkpads (the higher end of the Lenovo laptop range) are slightly more expensive than the most expensive phones but they also offer more potential for the user to service them.


My first Thinkpad was quite underpowered when compared to desktop PCs, it had 32M of RAM and could only be expanded to 96M at a time when desktop PCs could be expanded to 128M easily and 256M with some expense. It had a 800*600 display when my desktop display was 1280*1024 (37% of the pixels). Nowadays laptops usually start at about 8G of RAM (with a small minority that have 4G) and laptop displays start at about 1366*768 resolution (51% of the pixels in a FullHD display). That compares well to desktop systems and also is capable of running most things well. My current Thinkpad is a T420 with 8G of RAM and a 1600*900 display (69% of FullHD), it would be nice to have higher resolution but this works well and it was going cheap when I needed a new laptop.

Modern Thinkpads don’t have some of the significant features that older ones had. The legendary Butterfly Keyboard is long gone, killed by the wide displays that economies of scale and 16:9 movies have forced upon us. It’s been a long time since Thinkpads had some of the highest resolution displays and since anyone really cared about it (you only need pixels to be small enough that you can’t see them).

For me one of the noteworthy features of the Thinkpads has been the great keyboard. Mechanical keys that feel like a desktop keyboard. It seems that most Thinkpads are getting the rubbery keyboard design made popular by Apple. I guess this is due to engineering factors in designing thin laptops and the fact that most users don’t care.

Matthew Garrett has blogged about the issue of Thinkpad storage configured as “RAID mode” without any option to disable it [4]. This is an annoyance (which incidentally has been worked around) and there are probably other annoyances like it. Designing hardware and an OS are both complex tasks. The interaction between Windows and the hardware is difficult to get right from both sides and the people who design the hardware often don’t think much about Linux support. It has always been this way, the early Thinkpads had no Linux support for special IBM features (like fan control) and support for ISA-PnP was patchy. It is disappointing that Lenovo doesn’t put a little extra effort into making sure that Linux works well on their hardware and this might be a reason for considering another brand.

Service Life

I bought my curent Thinkpad T420 in October 2013 [5] It’s more than 3 years old and has no problems even though I bought it refurbished with a reduced warranty. This is probably the longest I’ve had a Thinkpad working well, which seems to be a data point against the case that modern Thinkpads aren’t as good.

I bought a T61 in February 2010 [6], it started working again (after mysteriously not working for a month in late 2013) and apart from the battery lasting 5 minutes and a CPU cooling problem it still works well. If that Thinkpad had cost $3,800 then I would have got it repaired, but as it cost $796 (plus the cost of a RAM upgrade) and a better one was available for $300 it wasn’t worth repairing.

In the period 1998 to 2010 I bought a 385XD, a 600E, a T21, a T43, and a T61 [6]. During that time I upgraded laptops 4 times in 12 years (I don’t have good records of when I bought each one). So my average Thinkpad has lasted 3 years. The first 2 were replaced to get better performance, the 3rd was replaced when an employer assigned me a Thinkpad (and sold it to be when I left), and 4 and 5 were replaced due to hardware problems that could not be fixed economically given the low cost of replacement.


Thinkpads possibly don’t have the benefits over other brands that they used to have. But in terms of providing value for the users it seems that they are much better than they used to be. Until I wrote this post I didn’t realise that I’ve broken a personal record for owning a laptop. It just keeps working and I hadn’t even bothered looking into the issue. For some devices I track how long I’ve owned them while thinking “can I justify replacing it yet”, but the T420 just does everything I want. The battery still lasts 2+ hours which is a new record too, with every other Thinkpad I’ve owned the battery life has dropped to well under an hour within a year of purchase.

If I replaced this Thinkpad T420 now it will have cost me less than $100 per year (or $140 per year including the new SSD I installed this year), that’s about 3 times better than any previous laptop! I wouldn’t feel bad about replacing it as I’ve definitely got great value for money from it. But I won’t replace it as it’s doing everything I want.

I’ve just realised that by every measure (price, reliability, and ability to run all software I want to run) I’ve got the best Thinkpad I’ve ever had. Maybe it’s not like a Rolls-Royce, but I’d much rather drive a 2016 Tesla than a 1980 Rolls-Royce anyway.